cc

runaway

2007-06-28T14:03:00.000-07:00

lately i've been a bit emotionally .... er, crazy. hahaha let's just say i've been a little crazy. so, lastnight i thought, deeply thought. i wonder sometimes why i'm so fucking persistant and aggressive. i never let things flow, if it doesn't go my way, i force it to go my way. i guess in a way it's good, but in others it's kind of bad. i deserve something great- i feel like the one thing i was so sure about, one thing i thought i had, and the one thing i've always known i wanted, isn't so appealing anymore. people change, and he's changed. he's turned into a wreck. he might not see it, he might thing he's having fun, but he's a wreck and that's not what i want, and who i need in my life. i guess while we temporarliy parted ways, a lot of things began to change. i feel ilke he's happy at where he's at without me, but he can't let go just because.

i hate thinking about certain things sometimes, but i know that i have to face my problems and get them over with. why is it so hard to be satisfied? he's just not the one.

summertime and the living's easyyyy

2007-06-24T21:25:00.000-07:00

i've been enjoying my summer so far. the weather's been awesome, the people are great. work is going good, and i'm getting tannnneeeddd (or atleast trying to). i guess i should enjoy it while it lasts. it's funny how you end up reuniting with your old friends, i think it's awesome :) i really want a new car. smoking is making me breathe weird, and i am SO SO SO hungry right now. OKAY random.

anyway, can't really complain- MUCH. it's so easy to get away from your problems, but it's so hard to finally face them at one point. who knowwwwwwsss. it's better to just let things flow.

HATE IS A STRONG WORD, BUT I REALLYREALLYREALLY DONT LIKE YOU

2007-06-16T23:26:00.000-07:00

today (yesterday?) was allrrriiigggghhhtttt. i love how the weather has been lately. aaahhh :) it's awesome to just sit outside, hit a jack and just talk with your friends. today i didn't do too much. went to dq w bff, and sat around and talked for a while. explored random stores in rockville and hung outside of barnes and read the sunday post :P met up w some people and ran into some familiar faces. split up and we grabbed some food, cvs'd it like gangsterssss and came to my house to watch some tv.

i possibly might be the worst daughter in the world. i completely forgot about fathers day :X

indecisiveness

2007-06-16T10:38:00.000-07:00

i'm having a lot of difficulties right now pertaining to what it is i want in my life as of now. it just sucks because not too long ago i was so happy and satisfied with how my life was going. i had it perfect; my family, job, friends, "love life", and now it seems as if i am back at square one. don't you hate when all sorts of things are being thrown at you and you just don't know how to handle it. sucks, right? what do you do when everything inside of you is torn into different paths. one part wants to go one way, and another wants to go the opposite. right now, i just feel torn inbetween so many different things. thus, i hate making decisions. what if i choose one thing, and it ends up being a disaster? what if i choose this one, and it turns out the other one was much better for me? in certain situations, i just hatehatehate taking risks. as dumb, and as childish as i may sound right now, i'd just hate it if the past repeated itself. life is too short to go through the same pains twice. i hate starting over.

anyways, i get to enjoy a 4 day weekend. i feel like i barely worked this week, which is true, but whatever. i can make up for it next week. fridayfridayfriday- an unfortunate event, dinner&randomness w bff, mexican w his sti, park w tomato, it was an "awesome" night lol. got shit to do today, might take it eaaassssyyyyy. we'll see if that lasts.

brand new.

2007-06-10T14:13:00.000-07:00

i'm starting a brand new chapter of my life. everything changes now. when one door closes, many others open up. i get a fresh start, and i'm nothing but thankful for that. for three years i was stuck in something ugly and destructive, and i'll admit, i lost myself along the way. it took me a lot of time and understanding to realize that this was all for the best and i could've avoided a lot within the past three years, but my dumbass chose not to. i realized once you've grown attatchment to another, your heart gets stuck. no matter what your mind may tell you is the best for you and such, your heart just won't budge. i was stuck in that situation for so long, i'm so glad i've finally broken away from it.

so far, 2007 has been a trip for me. i've been put through so many trials and tribulations and this is what i have come up with; two people who were once an important part of my life no longer exists in it. why you ask? maybe because these people were just not meant to be in it (duh). anyway, i lost a best friend and someone whom i thought would be there through thick and thin. well, i learned that people will always disappoint you, that's why you shouldn't put yourself out there so much because chances are, you won't get shit back in return.

i don't know if this is the path i have chosen, or the one he's chosen for me, but either way i am happy this way. i am finally at peace, and i am finally able to let go of someone i have been afraid to let go of all this time. i'm finally able to live my life the right way, and maybe find someone who will treat me the way i deserve to be treated. it just goes to show that people don't change, and that's what i was waiting for; a change. i can't say that i didn't gain anything positive, i gained a better knowledge on what i want and what i don't want, and in this case, most of the knowledge i gained was on things i DON'T want for any future relationships there might be for me. some poeple just won't grow up. not for other people, but for themselves. i guess i just grew up a little too fast, and that's where conflicts of interests arose.

i can't really say what will happen from now ... but i do know that i am not going to let anyone bring me down ever again. i lost myself once, i won't do it again. i can finally say that i'm done and over it.