runaway

lately i've been a bit emotionally .... er, crazy. hahaha let's just say i've been a little crazy. so, lastnight i thought, deeply thought. i wonder sometimes why i'm so fucking persistant and aggressive. i never let things flow, if it doesn't go my way, i force it to go my way. i guess in a way it's good, but in others it's kind of bad. i deserve something great- i feel like the one thing i was so sure about, one thing i thought i had, and the one thing i've always known i wanted, isn't so appealing anymore. people change, and he's changed. he's turned into a wreck. he might not see it, he might thing he's having fun, but he's a wreck and that's not what i want, and who i need in my life. i guess while we temporarliy parted ways, a lot of things began to change. i feel ilke he's happy at where he's at without me, but he can't let go just because.

i hate thinking about certain things sometimes, but i know that i have to face my problems and get them over with. why is it so hard to be satisfied? he's just not the one.